I always tell people to be very afraid whenever they find out that their partners are still tight with their exes. The thirst shall forever be real even when there’s a borehole nearby.
A huge percentage of coupled up people can confess to having slept with their exes behind their current partners’ backs. Hold on…can they really? No, they can’t confess, unless they are tortured by Jack Bauer. The one night romp always remains a secret between the former lovers. None of the ‘friends’ is supposed to tell their partner.
It can be fun, hooking up with your ex once in a while, but the truth is, you shouldn’t do it. You shouldn’t even consider it. I’ll tell you why.
1. It’s unnecessary torture.
It’s written in the Egyptian pyramid walls that the moment you dump someone is when they begin to look the most attractive. I’m kidding. It’s not written on any wall but it’s true. The moment you break up with your ex is when you end up wondering how you were not seeing all their good looks before.
2. Exes are addictive.
Your ex can be as addictive as flying horse, sacramento, chang’aa and all those illegal types of methanol laden liquor. You’ll drink in their forbidden passion and go blind as expected. Whenever you argue with your partner, you’ll always be running to your ex. The thought of doing all the things you did while you were dating will always be exciting. But this only hinders your chances of moving on.
3. False hopes.
Admit it, hope is always there. The hope turns into faith and the faith turns into belief; the belief that you can move mountains. Even Moses or Elijah never managed to move mountains yet they had faith the size of Kenyatta’s land. If the hope is not there for you, it’s probably there for your ex. You might get back together yes but we all know that second comings don’t always work out well.
4. You can’t undo the past.
You’ve seen each other naked, you’ll have always seen each other naked. Most platonic pals of opposite genders have not seen each other naked. You’ve kissed, friends don’t kiss. There’s no undo button here. There’s only a redo button.
Photo: Creo Concepts/GhanaBaPHOTO: CREO CONCEPTS/GHANABA
5. Tons of jealousy.
Yes, the jealousy is so heavy that it can be measured in tons. There’s a conflict of interest in your new “buddy-buddy” relationship, as you don’t want your ex to fall in love with someone else. You’ll keep on believing that your ex’s current girlfriend or boyfriend is not as good as you are. You know the phrase, “You’ll never find someone like me?” or “You’ll never find someone who loves you like I do”.
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6. You can’t talk about your personal lives without it getting awkward.
Real friends always talk about their personal lives with each other. But when you are friends with your ex, that is difficult. As a man, for example, you wouldn’t want to hear how your ex-girlfriend was flown to Malindi and caressed, fed cake under the moonlight as the cordial coastal breeze whizzed by. Your throat might get a growth. It’s what we always referred to as ‘kunyongwa na waru’ during our childhood days.
Man and Woman talkingIMAGE: SHUTTERSHOCK
7. It’s awkward for your mutual friends.
It’s normal to have mutual friends while dating. Her friends become your friends and vice versa. They know you dated. They remember the evident chemistry, and now they have to figure out how to treat the two of you when you show up to a party together-but-not-together.
8. The mixed signals.
This will probably hurt you more if you are a direct approach kind of person. There are too many nicknames, pokes, naughty jokes and memories to start fresh, so you’re likely to fall into old dating patterns even when not romantically involved. It can be confusing for one or both of you. At times you might get the wrong message and go for the kiss only for your ex to get up and walk away in horror.
9. You’ll never find true love.
You’ll always be hoping that things might get back to the way they were before the storm. Your heart will still be tilted towards your ex and for every wrong thing your current partner does, you’ll always have that feeling that your ex was better. As a result, this will be detrimental to your progress in the game of love.
10. It’s not worth it.
You’ve had your heart broken but at some point, you’ll be tempted to reconsider. You’ll think about things like, ‘He/she cheated but she’s not so bad.’ Or ‘I made a mistake by leaving them’. Why not invest your time and energy in the people who make you happy, not the ones who made you happy but can no longer do so. Not the ones who hurt you deeply. Leave the bones to the dogs.
Feeling like deleting your ex’s number? Well, it’s a personal choice. If you are a lady, you might want to check out signs that prove you have a man who totally understands you.